I respect your openness and sincerity but would encourage you to see that all of this is not about “Christianity” as a religion but about knowing God (John 17:3). I know you seem to dismiss the Bible as a source truth but it clearly says that God has revealed Himself and those who reject Him do so because they think they know better (Rom 1:18-20). Forget religion in all its forms and seek to know the knowable God.